What happens when there is nothing left to mine?

1) I read last night about a travel start-up launching, in this case to become “the most current and trusted travel information provider on the planet”. They seem to be doing this in part by “sifting through” around a dozen other travel websites.

2) A week or so ago there was a somewhat unusual exchange on Travelfish.org regarding a new member who wanted to “mine” our information to produce their own PDF guides (which they would then sell).

3) A few months ago I was in Bangkok, talking to a writer for a top tier travel guide publisher who boasted that they love Travelfish.org because they just mine our site for all the places their publisher doesn’t pay them enough to visit in person.

In all three cases the focus is less on “putting feet on the ground” and gathering their own information — instead it is all about partnerships and reusing or, mining, existing data.

I think this is a badly missed opportunity.

We live in a time when travel has never been easier and more affordable yet there appears to be little interest in actually investing in improving the information that people use on the ground. There’s nothing wrong with user-generated content if it rocks your boat, but I’m talking about expert-generated content.

Online travel start-ups have raised millions in funding but I’m truly at a loss as to what they spend it on.

Words from Wikitravel, wCities, Footprint or Frommers, free photos from Flickr, free maps from Google and, of course, the great stub-filler, reviews from the general public.

Is it really that expensive to create your own content? To cover much of Southeast Asia you’d probably need a couple of hundred thousand dollars for good, conscientious writers to do a solid first run. When you’re raising eight figure sums I’d have thought that was doable. While information on Travelfish.org is far from perfect, we built what we did with far less than a single million and we’ve always paid our writers.

Perhaps it isn’t doable because, in the eyes of the founders, this information isn’t actually seen as being all that important. The words are there really just to funnel a Google search through to an adclick or a hotel reservation. Just enough words to dodge a Google Panda penalty (or, in some cases, not).

As for the guidebook publishers who no longer require their writers to actually visit all destinations (or in some cases, the country at all – no I’m not talking about Colombia Columbia!) then you fully deserve to be in the dire situation you are — you took your readers for granted and not surprisingly, they stopped buying your books.

Information is everything and if you haven’t been there, you haven’t been there.

What I’d love to see is a new travel start-up with the funding to really double down on the content and the people who research and create it rather than the technology that presents it. You don’t need a Pinterest mashup to find the post office — you just need an address.

There are more ways, and it is easier, to make money out of online travel content than it has ever been before. I say that with one caveat: you need to own the content to reap the full benefits.

Invest in your writers and the content, build something original that doesn’t solve a non-existent problem and be in it for the long term.

This is an exciting time to be in online travel — I just wish there were more new ideas and concepts to get excited about.

Organise your life with Asana

About a month ago over on GlobalThing, Michael Smith put me onto Asana.com and I’ve never looked back.

Slick on the outside, powerful on the inside.

Slick on the outside, powerful on the inside.

It’s basically a personal/project management package that allows you to set up various todo lists and share them with coworkers. I’d long been looking at various similar solutions, particularly Basecamp, but I’d found them too complicated for the fairly simple matters I need to get organised.

What makes Asana so awesome is its absolute simplicity. It has a flat interface in that everything gets shared with everyone, but as (at the moment) there are only three of us using it, that’s perfect.

Big picture, medium picture, detail.

Big picture, medium picture, detail.

At first glance Asana did my head in a little, but after watching the first two introduction videos and playing around with it for 15 minutes, it was all clear.

Essentially there are three panes. The left column has your broad task collections — the centre column shows you the tasks within one collection and the third shows the contents of a particular task.

The Asana whip-list for the day.

The Asana whip-list for the day.

The third pane is the most useful as it is here the task gets detailed, assigned to a team member and the task path is recorded and displayed with progress notes and final status.

Organisation has never been a strong point for me, and Asana has brought a tremendous amount of clarity to what I’m doing, what I need to be doing and what can be filed away for a rainy day.

A detailed blame trail for why something isn't done.

A detailed blame trail for why something isn’t done.

Aside from asigning tasks to team members, you can set deadlines (for others or yourself), sync to your calendar, set tasks to repeat (say preparing a newsletter) and use it for broader stroke big picture visualising what a new project or task may entail, then break it down into smaller chunks and eventually sprints. There’s also email notifications (yes, you can’t escape your tasks) and a bunch of other features I’m yet to fully explore.

Broad strokes.

Broad strokes.

The actual interface may look complicated, but, once you’re used to it, it’s extremely intuitive and dead easy to use — fast too.

Best of all?

It’s free.

If you’re looking for some kind of multi-user author tool and don’t need an overly complex solution, check Asana out — I highly recommend it.

No Dave, you link selling shyster, I’m not interested. But thanks for asking.

From: editorial@publishersnetwork.com
Subject: Ref Content Placement Aug 2012
To: helpdesk@travelfish.org

Hi,

I have a name, it is Stuart McDonald, it is listed, beside my photo, on our homepage

I hope you do not mind me contacting you like this but I have just been on your site and found your posts really engaging.

Well I do actually. I post fairly rarely, so I’d love to know which ones you liked — especially as you don’t appear to know my name.

I was wondering if you would let me write a post for you?

No thanks.

I am looking to get my work placed on high-end sites such as yours and would be happy to write a unique article just for you.

Why thank you. Still no.

I can come up with a title – or if you have something that you would like me to cover I can work from a brief.

I bet you can. No I don’t sorry.

What’s in it for you, you are probably thinking?

Let me think. Probably nothing.

I place a sponsor in the post, which could take the form of a linked word to a reputable client relevant to the article.

Undoubtably a nofollowed, clearly marked paid-for link right?

Your free article would be 500 words or more in length and completely unique to you.

Awesome!

If you would like me to get an article started please just drop me a line.

No.

I am constantly looking for partnerships, so if you like the first article I would love to place more with you.

I bet you are.

I look forward to hearing from you and speaking to you in the near future.

Thanks Dave, no need to contact us again.

Dave

Editorial Manager
Publishersnetwork.com

A better kind of press trip (part of my $7,000 series)

News of a few press trips run by national DMOs and focussed on travel bloggers have landed in our email/gossip box over the last few weeks and I think they’ve really got it so wrong.

One, run by or somehow remotely facilitated/related to a certain Southeast Asian tourism board and a third travel website is simply too wacky to go into and is more a tacky link buying exercise than anything else, so I’m not going to bother with it here. No doubt it will serve as fodder down the path for some case study in what not to do.

But another, associated with another country’s tourism board, is more conservative and typical in structure. A mix of local and foreign bloggers get flown and shuttled around the country on a “best of the top shelf” tour of the country. Inbound flights and all expenses are covered — so the airlines, travel agents and hoteliers are all in the mix. In return the bloggers are required to blog regularly about what they are doing and push their work out through social media and so on — thus introducing the country to their varied readerships.

It’s no different to when a bunch of newspaper hacks get flown around the shop to fill the next few months of Sunday supplements.

Regardless of the bloggers all forming their own opinions/not being influenced blah blah and what not, everyone who put a comp in wants a piece of the pie. The airline gets a mention, perhaps the hotels do, and, of course, by writing about top shelf displays, the various travel agents who can organise these various jaunts will hopefully get a bit of business as well.

At the end of the day, the bloggers have all become copywriters for the various vested interests and that kinda sucks.

What is perhaps a better approach?

Tourism board does its research. Finds six prolific writers — whether they call themselves bloggers, travel writers or journalists — from around the world who have readers in target markets. Gets in touch. Asks about stats, readership and so on. Finds out more about their personal interests, what they know about the country and what they don’t know but want to learn.

Sorts the writers out with a return ticket. For whenever they want.

Gives each of the bloggers say US$7,000 and says:

Come to my country.
Travel for as long as you want.
Where you want.
How you want.
To grow your site.
To serve your readers.
To present the destination country, warts and all.

Then, they give the blogger a phone number and say:

If you need a hand organising something, give us a call and we’ll put you in touch with the right people. You’ll pay for it (out of your kitty) of course, but we’ll use our contacts to help open the doors you need opened.

There is zero editorial oversight.

The writer is under no obligation to write anything.

Surely that’s a better result for everyone on board?

How to make $7,000 per month travel blogging

Making money online is kinda modern day snake oil – just buy my book and you’ll know too. I hate that crap. So, here’s one way you could make $7,000 per month travel blogging.

1) Come up with a snazzy brand.

2) Make a snazzy sticker (at least as snazzy as the brand) that includes the domain name and logo and have 1,095 stickers printed — or go crazy and print 1,100 just to be safe.

3) Set up a blog that supports multiple authors – 1,095 in fact. Start with WordPress — or whatever tickles your fancy.

4) Plan a trip. It’s a comprehensive one — it goes for three years. (In case you haven’t figured that out, that’s 1,095 days).

5) Do a writing course.

6) Do a photography course.

7) Read a lot. A Lot.

8) Start travelling.

9) Each and every day, for the next three years, find a single place that is better than anything else you found that day. The highlight. Could be a hotel, a bar, restaurant, a bike mechanic, an accupuncturist. You get the idea. Something great.

10) Write about that single thing. In depth. With photos. Explain why it was great. Help your readers to reach them.

11) Go to the place you wrote about. Give them one sticker and tell them to value it. Set them up on your WordPress site as an contributor with permissions on their specific post. Explain to them that they’re responsible for keeping the page up to date.

12) Tell them you’ll run the page for free for them for three years. Afterwhich it will cost them $10 per month to keep going. (Don’t forget to mark any links “nofollow” once they are paying for them)

13) Use Twitter, FB etc etc to promote what you’re doing. Obviously also have blog posts that are more personal as you develop your voice and readers begin to identify with you. You know, build a brand.

14) Repeat for the next 1,095 days. Day in day out. If you can’t build a brand in 1,095 days, you’re in the wrong industry.

15) Alowing for say 25% of businesses to go go bust or not see the value in what you’re doing (pick your favourites carefully), in around 2,000 days you’ll be seeing around $7,000 per month in income. Is this for everyone? No. I’d hate to do something like this!

16) That’s it.

Really.

Would the above really work? Perhaps. If you’re a highly motivated, self confident individual with the gift of the gab, why not?

But what I’m really trying to illustrate here is that if you really want to make money travel blogging, you need to be thinking — and planning — along these kind of timelines.

Three years is a short time, but you can do an awful lot in 1,095 days.

PS., yeah I know they’d be costs in getting the money off people etc — just travel for a fourth year to cover those ;-)

Great ways to make your website as hostile and annoying as possible

Here’s a roundup on my take regarding some of the most annoying practices on websites, along with how I react to them and suggestions on an alternative approaches that site designers may want to consider. With Travelfish.org I’m guilty of some of these (we use some flash and not all of the site is mobilised yet) – there’s always ways to further improve the user experience.

Use a pop up for newsletter subscriptions
While I realise you could just signup via the newsletter subscribe box in the left hand column, research * has shown that

pop up boxes, ideally loaded about 15 seconds after you start reading a story and nigh on impossible to close on a smart phone are far more preferable to readers.

Why do people do this?
Most likely because it pumps up subscriptions as people find signing up is the only easy way to get rid of the pop-up.

What do I do?
Close the website.

Another option
Write compelling content and have a subscription box towards the end of the content.

Publish all stories over at least four pages
Research * has shown that readers much prefer to read a story over four pages rather than one. Readers also love pagination boxes that are minuscule and require the filing down of fingers (or the accidental clicking of ads) in order to be able to be used.

Why do people do this?
To drive CPM revenue.

What do I do?
Close the website.

Another option
All stories should be displayed on a single page to make the reading process as easy as possible.

Display all image galleries via slideshows
Advanced research * has indicated that loading images into a slideshow is far more preferable to having them all running down the one page. For an additional usability bonus, make sure that the image gallery is Flash based so that it won’t work on many smartphones.

Why do people do this?
To drive CPM revenue.

What do I do?
Close the website.

Another option
All images should be displayed on a single page to make the viewing process as easy as possible.

Display every single available social sharing plug in
You do want to share the story before you read it right?

Why do people do this?
Because they don’t know any better.

What do I do?
Ignore them all.

Another option
Facebook is the only social service I’d say warrants automatic inclusion. Others such as Twitter of Google+ should be included only if you are especially engaged on that platform.

Supply only partial feeds to RSS readers
All research * has indicated that people far prefer to click through from their RSS reader to read a full story. This is especially advantageous when your readers lack internet connectivity.

Why do people do this?
To drive CPM revenue and to protect content from scrapers.

What do I do?
I find this intensely annoying and will only click through to read the absolute most compelling content.

Another option
Full feed all the way. If you must have a partial feed, have a custom intro rather than just the first par so that you’ve a better chance to get that clicktrhough.

Use Js plugins selectivelyAdd all Js at the bottom of the code
Anecdotal research * has shown that users prefer to wait as long as possible for Js related widgets to load, just to guarantee that the reading process is as disruptive as possible. Never ever use async Js.

Why do people do this?
I have no idea.

What do I do?
This is often especially annoying with some WordPress plugins that result in the story shifting around a lot on a phone. Dealing with this kind of stuff is one of the only ways I end up clicking on an advert or related story link.

Another option
Use plugins very selectively.

Do not have a mobile version of your site
All research * has clearly illustrated that people prefer to pinch and zoom regular websites on their smartphones rather than use a mobilised version.

Why do people do this?
Lack of tech knowhow or a belief that mobile is not important

What do I do?
Close the website.

Another option
Add a mobile version. If you are using WordPress this is generally very easy to do.

Auto play all videos
A practice pioneered by the Sydney Morning Herald, it has been clearly shown * that autoplay videos, especially those that commence with an advertisement and cannot be turned off are absolutely preferred by readers.

Why do people do this?
To boost user engagement

What do I do?
I get engaged with the “close window” button.

Another option
Don’t ever autoplay anything.

Use as much Flash as possible
Readers, especially those using smart phones prefer to get as much content in Flash as possible. The most innovative hotels often make their entire websites in Flash which is an absolute boon for readers trying to find the telephone number to call to make a reservation.

Why do people do this?
A lot of legacy websites just haven’t adapted, but anyone being advised to build a new website mostly in flash needs to get some new advice

What do I do?
Stare at blank screen for a while then close window.

Another option
Use Flash only is totally unavoidable.

In conclusion, think of everything from the user’s point of view. Many of the above are counter intuitive from a reader’s point of view — why would youwant to sign up for a newsletter when you have not had time to read the story? Look at each case and think which is preferable for a reader – that’s most likely the approach you want.

* “Conversations with a single drunk tuktuk driver in Bangkok” by Stuart McDonald, 2012.

Advice on becoming a travel writer

I’ve spent the last five days accompanying Hanna Butler, winner of the World Nomads/Rough Guides travel writing scholarship, around Bali. We’ve surfed, had magical massages, driven across the island, eaten fabulous food, met practitioners of both black and white magic, climbed half a volcano and woven (part of) a traditional sarong. It has been a blast.

Right now I’m on the patio of our last stop, a small guesthouse overlooking Candi Dasa’s pond in East Bali and I’m wondering what I’d boil down five days of discussion to. We’ve talked about everything from crafting story titles to setting up a blog: in summary, here are a dozen points I’d suggest to anyone considering working towards making a living out of writing.

Read
The quality of your writing matters and the best way to improve yours is to read the writing of others. Read vociferously. In the age of Kindles and iPads carrying a truckload of books with you has never been easier. Also, use your dictionary.

Write
Write every day. There’s no need to write the Communist Manifesto every afternoon, but do set aside a period of time, every single day, to write. It might be a clutch of words or an essay. It doesn’t matter what you’re writing, you’re developing a hobby into a routine into a discipline.

Watch
Big picture travel is easy. Take a closer look. Take photos, lots of them. These will serve both as reminders later in the day when you’re trying to remember if the fishing boat had blue or yellow stripes, but also as gateways to the minor details you didn’t notice when you were there like the dried sticky rice stuck to the sash around the longtail’s prow.

Talk
Don’t be shy. Ignore language barriers. A genuine smile breaks the ice in most languages. Every person you interact with can bring colour to your story — or lead you to completely new ones.

Blog
Set up a blog. It really doesn’t matter all that much where, but ideally under your own domain name. Start collecting your writings there — it will be the first place potential publishers look when you contact them.

Socialise
Twitter, Facebook, Google+ et al — try them all, settle on the one you feel most comfortable with. Use it to network with others and to showcase your work. There is no “right” way to do social media — do it whichever way you feel most comfortable with.

Travel
It doesn’t matter if travel to you is swimming up the Amazon or walking to the corner store to get milk — you need to do it, you need to read about it, and most importantly you need to write about it.

Specialise
Who are you? What is your angle? You want to grow into a specialist, not a generalist. Everything you write should keep in mind what you want to be a decade from now.

Pitch
Keep it simple. Research the publication you are approaching. Read material they have already published. Contact the right person even if it means picking up the telephone to find out who they are.

Network
Second uncle of the father of the guy you used to date back in 1992 is the Travel Editor at the National Lao Daily? Give him a call and ask for an in.

Work
Travel writing is hard — physically and mentally. Having the energy to write at the end of a full day can be draining, but the more you do it the easier it gets. And know that to make a living, the hours are long. To be successful these days, every trip needs to be written about for multiple publications and using multiple angles.

Don’t quit your day job/marry wisely
It can take a long time — often years — to achieve enough success for travel writing to become your primary source of income. Many people who attempt it fail. Having a reliable job or a partner who can financially support you can be crucial in allowing you the time to develop.

Travel writing can be an exciting, rewarding occupation, but the elbow grease required is substantial. Work at it, every single day — and don’t forget to have fun.

Google these travel SERPS blow

This morning I googled “Temple Lodge Agoda”. Temple Lodge is an iconic property here in Bali and I wanted to quickly check if they were listed on Agoda (an online hotel reseller). Here’s what Google gave me.

Roll that up and smoke it.

Roll that up and smoke it.

Despite “Tripadvisor” not even being in my query — and believe you me I am not a frequent TA user, so personal preferences shouldn’t be coming into play — Tripadvisor has:

6 of the top 10 results
15 of the top 20 results
25 of the top 30 results
35 of the top 40 results
43 of the top 50 results

The official site comes in at a paltry rank of 55.

As you may have gathered, Temple Lodge is not listed on Agoda.com — but I’m not sure why Google felt compelled to tell me that while it wasn’t listed on Agoda, here are 43 links to a site (which you could argue is an Agoda competitor) I didn’t even search for.

Something very broken here.

While I’m at it, Temple Lodge is glorious. One of my alltime favourite hideaways on Bali – check it out :)

Hot seats, wrong planes and security concerns flying with AirAsia

This morning (I’m actually writing this story on the flight) I flew Indonesia AirAsia QZ 8391 from Bali to Kuala Lumpur. I didn’t preselect a seat so the kiosk check-in assigned me 26C, an aisle seat towards the rear of the Airbus A320. As the flight departed at 06:00 I wasn’t too surprised to see it was barely half-full and so as soon as they closed the door, I moved to a window seat.

AirAsia has a preferential seat booking system where the first few rows and the two emergency rows are called “Hot Seats”. The former are closer to the front so you’re first out of the plane, the latter have considerably more legroom. Both cannot be booked without paying a premium.

On my flight, while a few of the front hot seats were taken, all six seats at the two emergency exits were empty.

As the crew readied for takeoff a flight attendent came and asked me if I was travelling alone — no she wasn’t trying to hit on me — rather, once I confirmed I was alone, she asked would I like to take an emergency exit seat. Sure, I replied and moved up.

I was then given the standard “what to do when everyone is about to die” spiel and settled in. When another passenger, eyeing my new legroom width, went to grab one of the other emergency seats, the same attendent asked him to move back to his assigned seat.

British travel writer David Whitley has previously written about this somewhat unusual emergency seat policy. At the time I disagreed with him, but upon reflection I do think it does raise some serious questions.

Here I am, at 37,000 feet and I’m the only passenger on the entire plane who is (a) sitting beside an emergency exit door and (b) been instructed how to and under what circumstances to open the door.

That doesn’t strike me as being all that safe.

I thoroughly enjoy flying, but it scares me terribly. Indonesia has far from the best air safety record and a couple of people we knew have been killed in air crashes here. I once knew a guy who had survivied three plane crashes. Two of them were light aircraft crashes that didn’t involve fatalities, but the third was a commerical airliner crash where many of his fellow passengers were killed. His advice based on his experience of the commercial crash was to sit near the exit and be prepared to push other people out of the way to get out of the plane (and survive).

There’s little point pushing your way to the emergency exits only to find three of the four doors still closed because those seats were unoccupied due to the pricing policy of the airline.

I don’t begrudge AirAsia charging extra for these seats — they are more comfortable and the extra legroom is welcome. But I think a better, and certainly safer approach, would be for at least four passengers to be moved up so that all four doors have a passenger assigned to them.

Because I tell you, I’m a nice guy and all, but if we crash, I do plan to only open one door before getting the hell out of Dodge!

A second issue with the flight was that as the passengers were still snaking on board, two backpackers were getting off the plane. They had thought it was the Singapore flight (which I think leaves at a similar time) but had ended up on the Kuala Lumpur flight. This happened to me once, in Bangkok years ago, but then, as now, I couldn’t really understand how it happened as your boarding pass is checked (in this case) before you get a bus to the flight.

I assume the guy checking boarding passes before directing people to the buses didn’t notice they had boarding passes to a different country — one assumes passengers are generally intelligent enough to queue up for the right flight.

Anyway, once they were off I mulled over the security issues of something like this happening. With all the attention given to people packing nail clippers and jars of Vegemite, here we have a case where two passengers get on board with who knows what carry-on luggage and then are allowed to leave the plane again — with what bags? Did they stow bags in the overhead locker before sitting down and realising they were on the wrong flight? Did they take those bags with them? (In the US, such a security mishap and the ensuing hold up to check everything is as it should be would rate a news story.)

What checks and balances are involved in a situation like this? One assumes the most thorough response would have been for AirAsia to have completely emptied the cabin and all the luggage, then reallow passengers who actually had tickets for the plane to get back on. Good luck with that one.

Perhaps I’m overthinking it — they were just two backpackers who got on the wrong flight — but these can be paranoid times.

I fly AirAsia regularly and for many years they were a substantial sponsor of Travelfish.org, and I do continue to recommend them to travellers who are looking for an affordable point to point low cost airline.

I do think, nevertheless, that there is scope for some basic improvements in the safety and security/training involved in their flights.

On “verified” hotel reviews

A thread over on my favourite travel news site Tnooz is (once again) discussing the ins and outs and debating the value of having a system of verified guest reviews. Given guest reviews are a small part of Travelfish.org I thought I’d go over a couple of the reasons I think the whole topic is a bit of a waste of time.

The wheelbarrow is being driven primarily by hotels who feel they’re being badly done over fake negative reviews (oddly nobody seems nearly as bothered by fake positive reviews). It seems SOMETHING MUST BE DONE.

The basic premise is that in order for a guest (or potential guest — more on this later) to submit a review they need to supply proof of stay to whatever review site they’re submitting a review to. In doing this one could argue that the review is based on a real stay.

A few problems lie with this approach, a handful of which I’ve outlined below.

Problem 1
It disenfranchises any small, family-run guesthouse that doesn’t have the technology infrastructure to be able to verify a stay.

Result 1
I’d wager at least a third to a half of the places I have stayed at in Southeast Asia have not even offered a receipt. Many of these do not have a fax, email or website. Some (admittedly very few nowadays) don’t even have a telephone number. This forces small businesses to face considerable costs to get “verifiable”, or, far more likely, cements the influence of the larger, corporate hotels who can.

Problem 2
A number of hostel booking platforms take their cut up front and the balance is paid on checkin/checkout with no interaction with the online travel agent.

Result 2
A dodgy hostel needs only make fake bookings across a range of IPs and emails and pay the deposit in order to plant an amazingly positive review into the system. Where dorms are going for just a few dollars a night, this becomes a cheap way to push up your score.

Problem 3
A verified fake stay

Result 3
You own a guesthouse in Hanoi. You want to put the place across the road out of business. You pony up the $20 and get your Crazy Aunt to book a stay. After the stay, she submits a review. The review is a load of hot cobblers, but rather than being a full rant, is just enough to worry people. Mention a few bedbug bites that you think you got there, the smelly toilet, the traffc noise, the pubic hairs on the pillow case and the used condom you found on the floor. Crazy Aunt took photos of the pubes and condom (planted of course), so now she has PROOF and the review is VERIFIED. Now post to TripAdvisor, with pics. In three weeks, repeat with Crazy Uncle, a month later, Crazy Neighbour. (As someone who deals on a daily basis with crafty Vietnamese travel agents, this is not a sophisticated ruse as it might sound — trust me.)

Problem 4
No stay? No review.

Result 4
Hotels appear to be aghast at the concept that one shouldn’t be allowed to review a hotel unless they stay there. I disagree. Some places are so awful there is nothing to do but turn around and walk out. By banning this style of review you’re letting the very worst offenders off the hook.

My example of this has always been a very well known hotel in Chiang Mai that I walked in to at 1am, hoping to check-in, only to find the desk clerk receiving oral sex UNDER THE FRONT DESK!

Problem 5
Fam trips.

Result 5
So it’s okay for a hotel to lead a bunch of junket-bound hacks and agents around their hotel on a five-star, this-is-why-we-are-awesome tour, but no stay is required. The recipients will go on to recommend your hotel to their customers and newspaper readers. There’s no problem with this apparently — just as long as the hacks don’t post about their stay on TripAdvisor. Okayyyyy.

What’s the solution?
If you’re a guest and user reviews are an important part of your decision-making process, ignore the most glowing and the most ranting and go with the average.

If you’re a hotel, do your best to provide the best service you can and work on the assumption you’ll never please everyone. That’s life.

Oh, and have firm rules regarding oral sex under the front desk.